Sorry about the last post, well not sorry for writing it ... this blog is my online get it off my chest/sounding board/say what the bloody hell I want space … just sorry if it worried or confused anyone.
The final straw on the day of writing was another phone call off someone wanting my time to ramble on about their things, family, friends (that I don't know and have never met), work, vehicles, problems, day to day life etc etc … and not even a 'how are you?' at the end of it. I feel like I am thought of as a great big sponge, able to absorb the problems and information from anyone and everyone. Well I'm not, and I have reached the point of complete and utter saturation … there is no capacity for any more deposits to quote the last post.
To top it all something that's really pulled me down this week is trawling through the computer for old photos charting the progress of the house and land, needed for the estate agent to show him the nitty gritty of setting up this smallholding. It might mean we get a full value of the house so it's been well worth doing, but each and every photo of works in progress has brought the memories back even stronger and with them how I felt through each stage of the work.
For instance the conservatory … memories of the cold and windy December nights of living with only a couple of sheets of plywood and a tarpaulin separating me and the four dogs from the elements and the outside world while Alan was working down South.
The queries and questions asked by the builders that I couldn't answer, and Alan being hundreds of miles away in meetings and uncontactable and the feelings of frustration I felt.
The sheer mess and upheaval and ever changing landscape.
Huge holes and mud.
Systems being put into place that although fascinating were hard to live alongside. I had to just grit my teeth and put up with. Day after day, week after week, month after month. What made it bearable was the thought that we were building a future that we would be living together. The deadline for the start of that was March 2017 … and that was all that kept me sane.
It came and went and as most of you know retirement never happened. Smallholding as we had planned never happened. Life changed as it does, but something died in me alongside these changes.
I was still here mostly on my own, and when Alan was home I felt in a strange way even lonelier than than I had ever felt when he worked away and I had my own space and my own timetables.
Finally I think Alan realised how bad I was feeling about everything when he supervised the work done on the house after the survey last year. Two months of builders, decorators, carpet fitters etc, all handled while I was for the most part at the Van, made up in a small way for the time I had spent alongside tradesman in the years past.
The house is being valued next week and will be on the market as soon as possible after that. What the future holds I don't know for sure, yes we have plans … but then we've had plans before!!
Sue xx
Thanks for the explanation, Sue - not that you needed to explain. I understand and empathise. Someone in my circle has been offloading on me with not an iota of interest in our situation, despite knowing our problems. As for the works - we had new central heating fitted not long after we moved in, the work took just 2 weeks but I was tearing my hair out at the mess and noise....how you put up with it for months I do not know. I hope your sale and eventual move goes as smoothly as possible.
ReplyDeletePlease rid yourself, of that caller. Be too busy to pick up the phone.... Pick it up, and immediately cut her off, and hang up. Whatever is necessary. To get this person, out of your life. Such people are Vampires... Sucking any peace and joy you have, out of you.
ReplyDeleteSorry for so much lack of communication, between you and your husband, during all that building hororrrrrr! I wasn't reading here then, so I can't really comment more, on your situation.
Gentle hugs...
🔥💛🔥
I sympathise Sue. My ex-husband and I undertook a very lengthy renovation of an old house, and I know what it's like if the effort starts to feel one-sided. What you've done looks brilliant, and thorough, so hopefully it will all have paid off in the end. Good Luck with it.
ReplyDeleteIt seems such a shame that you feel you must move after going through all that but I totally understand that you have fallen out of love with the project. I know I could not deal with the hardships, frustration, cold etc if it went on for long. Maybe if I were younger. My stepdaughter and partner have taken on a very old and potentially beautiful house but it will require work and more work not to say shedloads of money. A real test of a relationship for sure.
ReplyDeleteWishing you good luck and much fortitude with all the tribulations that moving entails. Somewhere there is the perfect place for you 🤞
Keep blogging Sue, I don't comment but this time felt I had to. Chin up it will get better
ReplyDeleteMy ex and I were in a similar position. I was at home, child, animals, land, mess. He was away - comfy hotels, stimulating work. A great gulf between us. My health took a big jolt one day. And now here we are. Divorced. What was it all for? Not the good life certainly. Take care. It's not easy.
ReplyDeleteYou've just reminded me of something Tracy. For a long time in our house renovation we barely had cooking facilities. Husband (now ex) would come home, or often just ring from work "Don't worry about cooking for me. I'm taking xxx to the xxxx Hotel for a meal." Superb food, on expenses. And this would happen several times a week!! Fine. I'll just heat up some soup then!
DeleteVeg artist....EX husband.....be a reason for that !😁
DeleteMany reasons, Margaret! It was a long time ago, and I'm much happier now, as, I suspect, is he. When something really isn't working, change is needed - something that Sue is very good at effecting.
Deletethe veg artist. I have complete empathy with you xx
ReplyDeleteWe lived in a building site on and off for 16 years, and then some more jobs done, in the renovation of our lovely old Welsh farmhouse. It was worth it, but then I had my husband (and children) here all the time to make it easier to cope with.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you soon attract a buyer and can move on to something different.
The “friend” who phoned you? Not a friend, but a leech . . . You are absolutely right that you do not need them, maybe Google “how to Ghost someone” if you’ve not already done so :-)
ReplyDeleteI know EXACTLY what you mean about managing a building site whilst the Spousal Unit is in a luxury hotel, with all their food brought to their table, with no dust, no noise, no interruption to electric or water supply. It gets old - and unfunny - very, very quickly.
It isn't a friend, unfortunately it's a VERY close family member!!
DeleteWe all have to get things off our chest once in awhile. It is unhealthy to hold the stress inside. I'm sorry you've had all this to deal with but you are getting closer to being able to get the house sold. Also, you are getting much closer to being able to return to your Van life! Don't you get to go back around the first of March?
ReplyDeleteI have been reading a lot lately about de-cluttering one's home ,I have made a start on that but have also started to apply the same rules to people in my life and it does feel good. I have come to realise that the people I want in my life are those I care about and care about me ,the ones I have let go turned out to be not as important as I thought, I can't take them to a charity shop or the dump so they are in my recycle bin, somebody else can have them.
ReplyDeleteI have renovated many homes. It's easy to fall in and out of love with bricks and mortar. Mainly as a result of the memories held there. You've had an amazing amount of work done and the place looks great. I hope you get the money it deserves and you move on with you're life. As for uncaring, self centred selfish people, delete, block, ignore. Take care. X
ReplyDeleteIt's sad that your smallholding dream didn't work out.
ReplyDeleteMakes me feel very lucky that all the houses, renovations, stress etc meant we had 23 happy smallholding years perhaps because Colin was always home mornings and evenings whatever was happening
Sounds like this post holds a few mixed emotions. It's strange looking back sometimes and it makes us realise how much we can change in time. What you once thought you really wanted or needed out of life sometimes isn't the same any more - we change. You and Alan have worked so hard to build that dream that there is an element of sadness, but on the other hand, an element of excitement to see where the future takes you and where life leads you. On the subject of your very close family member, perhaps they have read your blog and they will hopefully get the message. Good luck with the house sale. I will be following you with anticipation.
ReplyDeleteThe Grey on the outside of the house with the white windows looks striking, something I will look at in the next house, we currently have white or should I say green this winter. You have certainly had a lot of work done, it is very intrusive having work people outside and definately inside. It feels very invasive, I'm once again finding out. I can empathise with plans changing, we were only due to stay here for 3 years, we have now been here 13 this March and will be here probably another 2, maybe? Unfortunately things are sometimes out of our control and I think thoose are the hardest to accept. Hope you get what your asking pricefor the house and be able to move on to somewhere you will be happy. Helen S.
ReplyDeleteI do so sympathise with your frustration, Sue, we make plans and life then pushes us into another direction altogether. Take me and G as an example. 10 years ago we downsized to a park home in the country fully intending to see the world and enjoy life. Now we have been forced to move again due to G's health problems which will not go away any time soon. We haven't seen the world after all and now can't even take a holiday. G is in constant pain so our lives are on hold. Hopefully, your lovely house will realise a good price and you can move on. Meanwhile take yourself off back to the van as soon as you can and chill out. Things will surely fall into place eventually. As for the family member offloading their problems on you, listen occasionally, then be 'unavailable' sometimes to give yourself a break. You can't be the only person they can talk to surely. Take care of yourself. Hugs, Angie xx
ReplyDeleteAs the saying goes 'we make plans and god laughs'! Aint that the truth. Perhaps you need to distance yourself from your relative a bit. If you make yourself too available people will take advantage of you. Perhaps you could buy the person a notebook and recommend they write down all their worries in it. They might get the hint!! Good luck selling your house. xx
ReplyDelete