Monday 24 August 2020

Completely Out of Sorts


I have been having a bad few days.  

Yes I know myself that these too will pass, indeed I am already coming out the other side.  But walking the Black Dog as well as the Pug is tiring, demoralising and just plain shite.

I can't talk to the one person I would love to talk to about it as he has absolutely no comprehension of depression.  It's all in your head  he says ... YES, I FUCKING WELL KNOW IT IS I retort.

Marriages can't survive this, lives barely can at times.

But it has, they have.  Hey ho the sun is shining!!


Things being up in the air with selling in Wales hasn't helped.  Alan working all the hours under the sun and then visiting the Van only to do more work, sleep and needing to be fed hasn't helped. 

I am one for action, for doing, for accomplishing things quickly.  

Decisions and action in my world have to be close bedfellows.  Talking, planning, setting off, doing a bit and stalling are the absolute opposite.  I need to pack a bag and vanish and come back when everything is done and dusted ... oh if only life was that simple.

There I've whinged at you all.  There's no sympathy required in the comments or messages telling me to pull up my big girls pants and just get on with it.  I know all that,  you'll only get my back up... 

AND THAT COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS JUST NOW   


Sue xx


65 comments:

  1. As I said to Dc...I empathise, Sue.

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    1. It seems there are a lot of us feeling this way at the moment. Each screaming silently into a cupboard. Take care Sooze. xx

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  2. I'm in a similar place in my head right now, and no, feeling down ISN'T something you can just shake off (as my husband seems to think too - perhaps it's a "man thing"!) House selling is SO stressful - at least your house isn't next to a dairy farm - and we have been treading this path for so long. Frustrating. We have been in limbo so long.

    Tomorrow is another day, said Scarlett, and there's always Chocolate, said Jennie . . .

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    1. I'm not even feeling that stressed about selling the house, I just need it to be over so I can move on. Alan is brilliant at coping with all the nitty gritty and the questions, and although he doesn't have much patience these days he can work calmly and carefully through all the stage if I am there to remind him of what he is supposed to be doing.

      Yes, tomorrow is another day. Perhaps I will leave Suky in the Van and go and have a mooch around the charity shops then.

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  3. I agree and about non depressed people, they are lucky.

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    1. They really are. It's just a shame that because, as a rule they have never been through it, it's very hard for them to understand.

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  4. Blimey - you are scarey when you write in Bold Capitals!

    Col never knew what to do when I was in a black hole and I had no idea either - no help at all. Thank God for the tablets!

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    1. Sorry ... did you jump!!

      I always know deep down I will come out of it eventually. I made the mistake of having a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend ... Alan doesn't understand going out and only drinking soda water ... alcohol really doesn't help. I don't sleep as deeply after a drink and things just seem even worse ... and it makes me want to murder certain individuals ... there now that would scare you!

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  5. Big hugs, no advice from me, just hugs. Sometimes our men don't know how to comfort us when we're having a crap time. Our dog has cancer, surgery booked so fingers crossed that it hasn't spread. I told myself to pull up my big girl knickers and get on with it and I will. I think lots of us are having some difficult days at the moment. You tell yourself that you have lots to feel grateful in these difficult times, and I am grateful, but it doesn't stop you feeling like screaming at times. Take care Sue xx

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    1. Thank you, and of course when they are causing most of the 'crap time' and don't even see what they are doing as a problem, they are even more oblivious!!

      I do hope your dog gets over this. Fingers crossed that the surgery goes well. xx

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  6. I care and I feel like I understand. I've fought depression all of my adult life and it just plain sucks. Far too many people don't understand. I wish I had answers for you but if I did I wouldn't be in the shape I'm in so many days. I find it sad when many times those closest to us don't understand the way we feel but unfortunately it happens. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need. Don't listen to the negative remarks of others. I find that often time spent with our sweet pets help me because they understand and give such unconditional love. Please take good care. xxx

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    1. Thank you, it has been a lifelong thing so I do see that I always come through the other side eventually. A day or two of sunshine should help, I might even make myself sit in it for once!!

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  7. Thank you Marlene, I know that you understand. xx

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  8. Replies
    1. Oh yes there is that, I do always have a Pug to hug, I am very lucky that way. I'll leave it at the moment though as she is basking in the sunshine on the doormat and there's not room for two of us down there.

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    2. Laying down next to your pug and letting the warm sun on your back melt your bones, anxiety and tension, may be quite a good thing to do for a while just now.

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    3. If I could have fitted in her little patch of sunshine, I might have done just that 😄

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  9. I care about you Sue. There have been days during the last few months when I have felt that it's just not worth battling on but I have to say out loud "it too shall pass". G has his own health problems and our daughter has her family to worry about, with home schooling and the like, so I don't feel I can burden them with my dark days. Lots of us are having them lately. Be kind to yourself and accept my ((hug)) x

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    1. Thank you so much. You've hit the nail on the head with "burden them with my dark days" ... that's exactly it isn't it we keep this to ourselves for far too long and then it all bubbles out.

      Perhaps my pressure release was this blog post, because it really helped to get things down in black and white.

      Sending a hug right back your way 🤗

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  10. I can so, so, soooooooo relate, Sue. You have a sista in me!!!! Love, Andrea xoxo

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    1. There seems to be so many of us feeling this way at the moment, we could start a very grumpy sort of club 🤣😃

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  11. Like you I have written about my depression. Hubby is diagnosed depressive and takes medication for it which is considerably better then the whiskey he would drink when he was down. Yet he isn't the least bit sympathetic and that's probably my fault because I try to carry on regardless. But sometimes you just want to scream out loud to release the feeling inside. I hope the feeling subside soon. X

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    1. Sometimes the thought of medication seems lovely, but then something clicks in and I realise working through things and moving forward shakes the bad times off and the realisation that I'm through it is the best tonic for me. Does this make sense.

      I'm not knocking your husband at all, I know how good the correct medication can be as my younger son was on it for years as he worked through his problems.

      But we do just carry on for far longer than we should don't we, perhaps that's why when we do explode BOY do we explode!!

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  12. Sending you love, virtual hugs and thinking of you. xxx

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  13. Oh pet. If I could afford to buy your place I would in the link of an eye. I too am one for action. If I mention that something needs doing I mean now not three months from now and only after a lot of nagging

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    1. Maybe I should buy a lottery ticket, win a million and then give the place away ... now there's a good idea 🤣😄

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  14. Hang on in there my lovely this too shall pass but it is bloody awful whilst you are going through hell on earth. Huge hugs xxxx

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    1. Already feeling so much better, you're a lovely lot ♥️💕

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  15. Sometimes some comments are as welcome as a fart in a lift but I see from all these ,your friends have said the right things, there are some lovely people on here, take care, Chrissie.

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    1. Haha ... so true. Living with a Pug I know all about inappropriate farts 😃🤣. It would seem those that read my ramblings know me so well ♥️

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  16. Hugs and sunshine being sent your way Sue♥ My brother in the UK, who we believe is suffering from depression, believes there is no such thing:( xx

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  17. Oh Sue, hugs and best wishes to you.

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  18. Just between you and me: My big girl pants have been in the wash for years. I know how things can feel. It's all about hanging in there.

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    1. Yep, you hang on by your fingertips until suddenly you get a grip again. I'm getting there and this has helped 💕

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  19. Depression bites. And no you can't just get over it.

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    1. Nope, but I'm inching myself out of those clenched teeth, thankfully ♥️

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    1. You know for once I'm leaving you here Mr Shitfaced GRANDMASTER just to say ... Fuck off and leave us all alone, and stop inundating us with all your inane fucking twatfaced claptrap. Six times a day, every day REALLY. FUCK OFF 🤪😠🥴🙃

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    2. ��. Do like the lady says, Grandmaster. Hop it.

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  21. There are days I feel the same way.

    God bless.

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    1. They come and go don't they, the only good thing is ... they do at least go. ♥️

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  22. I use to think that my sister just needed to pull herself together but in the past year or so I would do nothing but worry. This whole situation with this virus, my country, and the way people treat each other has made it hard for me. I hope the house selling happens soon and I understand about a husband who let's nothing bother him.

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    1. I think that some things do actually bother him, but I'm there to recognise it before he even needs to verbalise it and do something to change how he's feeling. Unfortunately, as he can't see how I am, that's just not reciprocated.

      It's hard to deal with worry, but it solves nothing does it ... unfortunately ☹️

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  23. It's so demoralising and 'downing' when things progress so very slowly they may as well be going backward. It's not a great time right now, the days are getting shorted, things are closing in and sometimes it feels like there's a vulture perched on ones shoulder all the time.
    Sending love.
    xx

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    1. Oh gosh, it sounds like you understand only too well. Sending love right back, catch it carefully and hold it close ♥️

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    2. Caught - thank you. xxx

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  24. Our house is on the market too and whilst I'm not stressed by it I am bored with it and just want to jump into my new life. Totally get what you're saying about everything else here too.

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    1. Oh, I'm not stressed by the house, just like you, totally fed up with it. Luckily as the days turn shorter and things stop bloody growing so fast, it will require less time to maintain the land and keep it looking good. Five acres suddenly seems far too much 😃🤣

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  25. I am sorry my sweet. I do not know the details, nor do I need to, but I do understand completely how it is when what you thought was an agreed action plan was really nothing more than ‘yeah, I know we talked about it but I haven’t done anything’. xxx

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    1. Yes, and when there is no kind of apology it just grates. My time will come ♥️

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  26. My husband has depression from time to time and I always try to stay positive for him. Recently when discussing this with my son he pointed out that sometimes it can be really irritating when you are down and someone is trying to stay bright and that pointing out that things could be worse isn't actually helpful at all. I am learning to try to handle things differently and your post and comments have helped to give me a bit more insight. I admire your honesty. Also sending a hug.

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  27. Unfortunately I can totally empathise, I have felt off for a few weeks now. I think it is because I feel everything is out of my control. We'll get through this, we are strong women. Helen S.

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  28. No words of wisdom, just a big hug coming your way. It's rubbish when we feel this way, especially when so much is out of our control. X

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  29. Hugs to you and your Pug. In a dark place myself at the moment, but I just cuddle the dog and do stuff at my one speed, knowing "this too shall pass, eventually!

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  30. People that don't understand think it is something you can control. They don't understand it is like a wave pulling you under, sometimes you just have to go with the flow, let it wash over you and let it pass. You and miss Suky do some nice things together.

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  31. Sorry the black dog is lurking, I have one too, getting out seems to help infact in the middle of nowhere its great as you can shout and swear into the wind .....

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  32. Just caught up with you Sue and sorry to hear you have having a bad few days. I feel the same at the moment and don't know when it will pass. Had too much loss in such a short time (still can't get my head around things). Here's hoping you bounce back and see the sunshine again. Cuddle the pug and drink wine. I'll cuddle the cats and drink wine - it helps.

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