When I get into my darker days I wallow for a while ... there's no shame in a bit of a wallow, don't let anyone tell you otherwise ... and then start to sort out for my own peace of mind how I got there, why I got there and what I could do to stop me going there again.
It doesn't always work, nothing is perfect but understanding yourself thoroughly is better than tootling through life like a one eyed, one wheeled minion.
I realise that this time I simply need to slow myself down. I was rushing to someone else's timetable, and that is virtually always a recipe for disaster.
I want to be invigorated ... but I want to go slow.
If other people find the rushing to accomplish things invigorating then fine, I have absolutely no objection with that ... although I will look on in amazement and think they are mad. Indeed not so many years ago I was like that too, but now I have changed.
And the change feels good.
I simply need to embrace that change once and for all and stop being torn between two worlds.
"What did you do today?" Is a question I am frequently being asked.
"I did nothing" ... will be my new reply.
The reality will most likely be: walked the dog, did the washing, hoovered the floors, got some shopping ... built a tower of stones. But who actually needs to know that. If saying I did nothing calms my mind, soothes my soul and lets me not dwell on the minutiae of day to day living then 'I did nothing' sounds good to me.
Thank you for all your comments yesterday ... now I know why we are friends 💖