I sat and read through the Christmas Radio Times today. I started it over a breakfast of coffee and Weetabix and then when I got back from the hairdressers I sat and read it over more coffee and a sneaky couple of Co-op Custard Doughnuts.
It usually makes me feel all festive and happy as I circle things I really want to see or to record for future watching, but this time my mood slipped and slipped until very unexpectedly I burst into tears.
Never has the Radio Times made me cry before!!
I feel I am living on the edge of something, or perhaps on the edge of lots of things.
I made myself stop snivelling and went outside and filled a barrow full of logs for the fire tonight, hoping the fresh air and physical activity would pull me up from this downward spiralling whatever.
I stood and looked at the twinkly Christmas lights at the front door for what must have been an age, just stood standing there ... to quote Nellie Pledge ... for far longer than was normal. During the day they don't look that much, but at night they are pretty and twinkly and look amazing as you drive past the house.
I came back in had more coffee and did the puzzles in the Radio Times to get my brain working while I warmed up, it didn't make me cry again ... bonus!!
I'm glad I managed to get my hair cut, because the First Minister has just announced that hairdressers will once again be closing immediately after Christmas.
I wish I could just curl up into a ball of fluffy duvet with a coffee machine at my side, Netflix on the television, my chocolate stash close by and an automatic dog walker to walk the dogs.
I also wish someone would invent vegan Maltesers, because Alan has gone away leaving a box of Maltesers in the fridge and every time I open it they laugh at me 😆
Sue xx
Hugs, Sue...no words xx
ReplyDeleteI'm the same Sue, tears filling my eyes so easily these days:( Sooze said it all....♥ This too will pass......
ReplyDeleteAw, Sue lots of ((((hugs)))) for you. It's a time of big changes in many ways, small wonder we are feeling vulnerable and easily downed.
ReplyDelete(there are some good things on the telly this Christmas though, don't you think?)
xx
I really don’t think you are alone Sue. Glad you enjoyed your lights at least.
ReplyDeleteI too am feeling really emotional. All we can do is keep on keeping on I guess, taking pleasure in the small things like lights - and doughnuts :)
ReplyDeleteI think it's the never-ending feeling of being out of control. I don't cry anymore as it makes me feel worse but often feel like screaming in frustration. Sending socially distanced ((hugs)) from Suffolk
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone.
ReplyDeleteThe lights that get me staring are the ones on the Christmas tree. It sounds daft but it's wonderful if you get close and peer into the magical world of lights and baubles!
I had a moment of that yesterday. It was seeing the poignant letter of hope for better times left in the window of my favourite cafe, who have closed for the time being, and opposite, the local hotel windows are boarded up. So unnatural, and all those people are unable to work. A lot of uncertainty and worry. Morag xx
ReplyDeleteI totally get it. We are about to exchange on our house sale. We then need to find a rental more than 100 hundred miles away! Then once settled we need to find a house to buy. We are very much living on the edge of something! Sending a hug x
ReplyDeleteIt's the uncertainty of the future which is getting us all down Sue. It's quite natural to have a moment of meltdown every now and then and you have had so much more change to cope with. I'm just so glad that we were able to move house in December last year before the madness hit. I think our move would have collapsed and our park home would have depreciated in value before we could have recovered the chance to move, leaving us short of the money needed to buy our new home. Sending big ((hugs)) Things WILL get better soon. Hang on in there my lovely xx
ReplyDeletePS Love the image of laughing maltesers!
DeleteI've had a lot of meltdowns the last 10 months. Even though it has been nothing in Australia like it has been else where I really miss my old life and am gradually realising that I am not going to get it back. There is a real sense of mourning with that. You're not alone!
ReplyDeleteLife is too short. Eat the damn Maltesers....
ReplyDeleteThat's the problem I can't, they are covered in milk chocolate and I'm dairy intolerant ... otherwise they would not have stood a chance!!
DeleteI'd forgotten about your dairy intolerance, because that was MY first reaction - laugh right back at them and eat every last one! How frustrating to have those nasty Maltesers in the fridge and not be able to have any. Aaaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!
DeleteLast aid tablets!
DeleteShould have been LACT AID tablets!
DeleteWhen our new restrictions first came out I cried. Things are so different.
ReplyDeleteGod bless.
I am not a crier, or at least I wasn't. I have had a few meltdowns in the last weeks. I cheered myself up by buying a lot of flower seeds! Roll on the Spring, the shortest day next week and then it starts to draw out.
ReplyDeleteThese things hit you out of the blue sometimes don't they. Hope you are coping ok now. We must be kind to ourselves and realise it's ok not to be ok...but it will pass.
ReplyDeleteJacquie x
I had to google Maltesers to see what they might be. I think they are "Malted Milk Balls" here in the US. I wouldn't be tempted because chocolate gives me headaches. I'd probably throw the box away! Your decorations look sweet and festive. Wishing you pleasant, relaxing holidays and Peace & Joy in the New Year!
ReplyDelete((((((((Sue)))))))) I think most of us live on the edge between happiness and tears these days. It's a complexity of emotions during this virus time. I read online the news of mutated strains of the virus now and wonders about the vaccine even working. This is truly a plague of biblical proportions. Thank goodness each of us has our little haven of lights and maltesers we can retreat to. ~Andrea xoxo
ReplyDeleteI just have given up listening to the never ending gloom and doom on the news.
ReplyDeleteI am ordering Christmas gifts online and having them sent to loved ones. Fun!
Enjoying looking out my doors and windows and walking with the dog outside by myself and looking at all the natural things.
Doing a few things for Christmas , making my brother a special food treat. Having a comforter finished up for my sis-in-law , that her deceased mother started. Sending baby things to my niece who will be having her baby in late February. And my nephew's wife who is due about the same time. My version of a shower.
Embracing being here , alive, reading blogs of others going through the same ....well , I don't know what to call this
swirling bunch of dung that is going around. Hope your day is going better now. Eat more faux goodies.Is there a such a thing as a strong cup of tea?
It really has been an awful year, best made plans ruined, holidays cancelled and loved ones left feeling alone and scared. I think we all reach this time of year looking forward to a merry Christmas and a Happy New Year but of course deep down we know its nor really going to be either. We just have to cling onto the small things. X
ReplyDeleteIt's understandable to burst into tears these days. You have a lot going on with buying and selling homes, moving into a new flat, and then add Christmas and a pandemic on top of it all! I find that I occasionally burst into tears too, or lose my temper which I don't normally do. This year has simply been too much. Hugs dear friend!
ReplyDeleteWith all your moving, selling, setting up and all during this pandemic time it is a wonder you have not burst into tears before now. I send hugs from myself and a ginger cat. I live alone with him and have adapted to the isolation. being high risk in a place where most don't mask or distance has meant staying in my flat for days on end. I wish you the best and don't worry if you need to cry.
ReplyDeleteYou've had a lot to deal with over the last year or so, try not to be so hard on yourself. Christmas occasionally has a habit of catching me out like that. It's an emotional time for many reasons.
ReplyDeleteSorry about the laughing Maltesers. Have you tried laughing back at them? ;)